The rain continued pouring as I stood under the sky and watched Winky’s last moments. The vet held one of her forelegs and put in the needle. It didn’t work the first & second times so he had to inject it to her heart. Dexter, one of our other dogs, let out a sad bark. He knew what was going on.
I was glad I cried most of my tears the night before. I had some time to prepare myself for the moment. My sister could not control her tears. I tried my best to hold back mine. Winky was watching and I didn’t want to break down in front of her. Besides, the weather was definitely expressing what I was feeling at that moment.
A couple of weeks ago, one of our dogs, Winky acquired a disease. It was a virus according to the vet, an epidemic that strikes most dogs. So much rheum formed in her eyes for the past weeks. We gave her medicines prescribed by the vet but it was no avail. She seemed to improve for a couple of days but it only got worse. Few days later, she began wobbling when walking. Then she was not able to neither walk nor stand. All she did was lay on her side and struggled to get up. It was a heartbreaking sight. Perhaps, the virus reached her brain and rendered her paralyzed.
I did some research to gain more insight about her condition. I partly doubted the vet because he did not give only good news. Upon researching, I stumbled into euthanasia. I knew it existed but did not think it could be done for dogs as well. As I read articles about it, explaining why it needed to be done, tears rolled down my eyes. I just couldn’t imagine myself deciding to put Winky down. It was like sentencing death to someone you love. I tried not to make any noise so as not to draw attention from my officemates.

The List (by LoveStoned @ Caedes)
When I got home, I saw her lying beside our gate. I patted her head through the grills. She tried to lift her head knowing I was there but failed to do so. Her tail wagged against the cold cement. I knew that she knew I was there and wanted to greet me. I hushed her to remain still so as not to hurt herself. When I got through the gate, I looked into her. In her eyes was the strong will to defy the misfortune bestowed upon her. I patted her head and her legs so many times. Pain came from her mouth as she attempted to bark several times.
Winky was just an ordinary dog. She did not inherit the fluffy fur of her father and the sleek black fur of her mother. She was brown and shorter than both her parents but she was my favourite dog. We would not allow our other dogs to stay inside the house except for her. She was the most obedient and tamed dog we’ve had. I loved her so much. When she’s near, I would always hug her.
Seeing her suffer was enough to convince me to finally put her to sleep. What good would it be to keep her alive when she couldn’t even barely stand, eat, or drink? It would be totally selfish of me to deny her the peace she rightfully deserved. It was time to let go.
The rain did not go away even after her heart stopped beating. It was just the right setting. Rain dropped on my eyeglasses and on her body. It was washing away both of our pain. It was a relief to know she didn’t have to suffer anymore. It was the last gift I could give to her.
My mother & my sisters were out tonight. I was grateful for that, because as I watched American Idol’s elimination night I could not help but cry. Winky’s absence inside the house is something I am not used to. She’d often lay beside me as I faced my laptop every night. I’d feed her bread or whatever it was I was eating. I’d give her a pat on the head as I watched her sleep. Even up to this moment I couldn’t help looking at my right expecting to see her.
I’ll just have to remind myself she’s now at the Rainbow Bridge. Do dogs go to heaven too? If there is, I know she’s there. Should I wish to see her, I will just have to watch a montage video set against Britney’s Everytime that I made of her and her siblings when they were still puppies. If I have a song to sing for her, it will be Sia’s Lentil.
Oh I, I never meant to let you down.
I’ll wait with a stake in my heart.
I never meant to put you down.
I’m trying not to fall apart.

